Friday, May 20, 2005

My Mom and My Mother

Karen at Chookooloonks wrote a great post about how she might feel if and/or when her adopted daughter ever decides to look for her birth mother. (Check out the rest of her site while you're there. She has some great pictures and recipes I'd love to try!)

I'm glad that you brought up this topic, Karen, because one of the reasons that I wasn't originally fully comfortable with making a big push to find my natural parents was the loyalty I have to the parents I have, George and Juanita Johnson.

When writing or talking to other people I make a distinction between my two moms by calling my mom, "mom" and my mother, "my mother." Does that make sense? I do however recognize the gratitude that I owe to both of them.

My one challenge is what to call them when we are all together. My mom is "Mom" and my mother is "Kathleen" when we are all in the same place. However, when I'm talking to my sisters on the phone (Kathleen's daughters; not my sister- Mom and Dad's daughter, or my sisters, my father's daughters) I call Kathleen "mom" because it's easier to say that rather than say "YOUR mom", because she is OUR mother....

Wait- I'm confusing myself.

Let's put it this way. My "Mom" is the mom I grew up with and she will always be "Mom". My "Mother" is the mom who gave me a chance through a tough choice in life at a time so different than today. Although I do call her "mom" when I am talking to her or to that corner of my three families, unless of course I have both my mom and my mother together in the same room. Then it's easier to refer to "Mom" and "Kathleen". (Or "Grandma Kathy" which is what my kids call her.)

Does this make sense?

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